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The Journey pt 4

The Birth

By Stephanie Coleman 

This part of my labor was strange. I felt as if I wasn't even there. I had tunnel vision and I was in my own world. My mom was there, my husband was holding me, Bonnie and Gail were massaging and stretching me, and Alyeen was watching. Although all these people were here, I could not see them all at once. I could only focus on one person at a time. I felt as if I was in a sort of twilight zone. My ears zeroed in on key words and phrases. The baby's heart tones were low for a while. Then they were okay.

I was surprised at how much concentration it took to push correctly! I think a part of me was afraid to push too hard- that my uterus might explode. I felt some pain right at my scar as I pushed a few times. I was worried for a moment but I remembered that the pain was from weak muscles. Also, I remembered reading somewhere that if the uterus would rupture, it usually happens before the pushing stage. I became tired from the pushing and I was afraid I was not doing it correctly. No one had ever told me how much work it was to push! The heart tones were not good again. I could feel Gail and Bonnie massaging me. The hot compresses felt wonderful! The heart tones were still low and for a moment they couldn't even get them. Then, finally Bonnie asked me, "Stephanie, what do you think of an episiotomy?'' That really caught my attention. I knew how my midwives felt about episiotomies and they only did them in an emergency. "Will it hurt"?  I asked. What a dumb question. Of course it would hurt. I didn't really care. I just wanted my baby to be all right. "Yes" Bonnie replied, "But if this baby is not born with the next contraction we're going to do an episiotomy. The baby's heart tones are too low and we think the cord is around the neck. He needs to come out now" At the next contraction, I felt like a mother lion! I even roared like one! I had kept my eyes closed before as I pushed, but this times by mom held my gaze and made me keep my eyes wide open and looked at her as I

Pushed! I had renewed strength from out of nowhere and I pushed so hard I felt as if I was going to burst wide open yet it felt wonderful!  I felt the baby's head come through me and Alyeen held a mirror down by his head for me to see. I sat forward and saw my baby's face! What an awesome feeling to see his head outside while the rest of his body was still inside of me. With the next contraction, I pushed the rest of his body out. The midwives had slipped the cord off of his neck, which had been wrapped around three times! Gail said, "It's a little boy!'' Jeff was so excited, I remember him saying, "Honey, it's a boy!" The baby was very quiet. Gail blew some air into his face and auctioned him.  He finally was breathing on his own, yet he was quiet. I just wanted to know he was okay. He wasn't crying for a while. Alyeen looked at me and said, "You just had a gentle birth, Stephanie. He's fine."  Gail laid him on my stomach and as I held him in my arms, I remember crying over and over, "Oh, my baby! My baby! I can't believe he just came out of me!" My mom brought Hannah into the room and she held and kissed her new brother! She looked a little confused and startled at what was going on! A few minutes later, I pushed out the placenta and so much blood that I felt as if I was swimming in it! I felt light headed. Bonnie gave me a shot of pitocin in my thigh because I had lost about 3 cups of blood. (Thank goodness for Chlorophyll. I drank so much of that stuff in the next few weeks! ) Jeff held the baby while I was getting cleaned up. You've never seen a prouder Daddy!'' Alyeen said to me. " You should see your husband! He's so proud of you, he was just prancing around the house!'' An hour later, Bonnie put our son in the net and weighed him. 7 pounds 11 ounces, 21 inches long. Wow! To me, that was huge! A whole four pounds bigger than Hannah was and long, too! After four hours of active labor and an hour of pushing, Michael Allen Coleman was born in our home and into our arms at exactly 9:0 pm. Within his first hour of life, he nursed for the first time and I cried. Though I felt joy in those first moments, I also felt sorrow for this beautiful time that I had missed in Hannah's life.

Even though I was quite pale and light headed from the loss of blood, I felt like I was on cloud nine! I did it! I had my VBAC! I felt like I could climb Mount Everest now! My baby was beautiful and healthy and his birth was quiet and safe. He didn't enter the world with blaring hospital lights and he wasn't thrown around from person to person.  We had caring, competent midwives who guided and waited and supported throughout the birth. I had the freedom to eat, drink, and move as I please. I had the privacy and support and comfort to move as I felt I needed to, to "give into'' my labor and enjoy it! YES! I ENJOYED LABOR! I LOVED IT! IT WAS EXCITING AND FUN! I would do it all over again just to experience the labor and birth! What women do you know of that can say that and mean it after a chemically induced, pitocin'd, epidural'd, vacuumed, episiotomied labor?!  I won't lie. It hurt. It was hard work. But, the difference was the support I received, the loving environment in which I was surrounded, and the lack of technology that was involved. My beliefs are reaffirmed now more than ever! Birth is a natural, normal, and healthy part of human life. Birth works! It has worked for thousands of years, obviously! It works even better when it is not interfered with! Sometimes it needs a little help but not with chemicals or drugs - unless a woman is completely incapable of birthing normally for reasons beyond her capabilities. (Severe deformities, illness, or life threatening childbirth emergencies-which are rare.) I am able to understand more fully how marvelous my body is! Yes, I marvel at this body that God has given me. I marvel at how miraculous and beautiful are conception and pregnancy and birth. I marvel this beautiful baby that was born sweetly and gently into a warm and welcoming world. Quiet and alert he came. No drugs!  I loved being able to FEEL every little twinge, every contraction, and every ounce of pain! It meant my body was working and it reaffirmed my belief that our bodies are made for birthing! I made a poster that still hangs on my wall with a picture of a woman (myself) giving birth. It reads these words, "My body is perfect for birthing!'' I would do it all over again in a heartbeat! My midwives were incredibly supportive and caring. They believed in me. My husband had faith in my ability to give birth. Alyeen constantly reminded me that I could do it. Even towards the end, my mom had faith in me and helped me at a crucial moment to bring her grand child into the world! But, the most important part of this journey was that I believed in myself. I believed in my body's natural ability and I trusted that my baby knew what to do! I felt at one with him as we danced our way through birth! No longer will I question what I know is right. No longer will I question what my heart desires. I will trust my instincts and intuition. Even when no one else agrees.  I will always do what I feel is best and safe for my babies. I believe in my body's ability to birth normally and I feel whole. Oh, that every woman could know such joy!